No Satisfaction
by ThatRavenclawBitch
Summary: Gold and Belle are in desperate need of some alone time after the birth of their first child. Unfortunately, date nights aren't easy to come by in Storybrooke. RCIJ gift for ryik-the-writer whose prompt was "get us out of here".


"Get us out of here!" Belle's words were hissed at him, barely more than a whisper against his ear in the dark closet, but they still managed to somehow convey both panic and a fair amount of anger. He turned toward his wife, barely able to make her out in the darkness but for the subtle gleam of light streaming in through the cracked closet door reflecting against her eyes.

"How?" he mouthed. They were well and truly stuck in a coat closet in an abandoned mansion on the edge of town, a group of fairly menacing men pacing around the room outside, oblivious to their presence.

It was hard to believe that a mere four hours earlier they had been setting out from home for a nice, normal date night. It was the first time they'd be getting out, just the two of them, since their son Gideon was born and they'd both been looking forward to a night on the town. Now they were here, pressed together in the darkness. Gold had hoped to end the evening pressed together with Belle but he'd hoped to be in a bed for it.

"I can't believe you got us stuck in here," Belle fumed, quietly.

"Me?" Gold said, outraged. "You're the one who suggested this place."

He could see Belle roll her eyes in the dim light.

"Oh because everything is always my fault, isn't it?"

"I didn't say that. Now you're twisting my words."

The door to the closet wrenched open, light spilling in and Gold squinted in the unexpected glare. Beside him Belle let out a surprised squeak.

"Well, who do we have here?" asked a stout man with a scrubby brown beard.

Gold could hear Belle audibly gulp beside him and he shifted, blocking her with his body. His unzipped pants chose that moment to slip down his hips, bunching around his ankles as his belt buckle clinked against the floor. The man looked down at Gold's trousers, then back at his face in disgust.

"Come out of the closet," the man said, pulling a gun from the back of his waistband and motioning down at Gold's feet with it. "And for God's sake, put your pants on."

Gold sighed. They were about to be murdered and all because of their goddamned libidos.

* * *

Four Hours Earlier

The evening had started off well enough. Gideon was four months old and they'd been mostly housebound since his birth. Belle's pregnancy had had its fair share of complications, and Gideon arrived in the world a few weeks early. After a short stay in the NICU he'd been able to come home, but both parents had been a bit overprotective ever since. But tonight they'd finally decided to trust a sitter and have a night out, just the two of them. They were in desperate need of some adult time.

Alice Jones showed up promptly at 7:30 to watch Gideon, assuring them both that she had ample experience with babies. Belle had shown her how to warm up Gideon's bottles, the exact order of bedtime stories he liked best, and a list of phone numbers for everything from the restaurant they'd be dining at to poison control. Gold eventually managed to pry his wife away from their sleeping infant as Alice waved them off from the front porch.

"Don't you worry, Mrs. G," she called after them with a wink. "I get along great with babies. I find we have a lot in common. We both cry a lot, we both get confused easily and we both love boobs."

Belle gaped at her for a moment before Gold took her by the arm. "Come along, darling or we'll miss our reservation."

They managed to only be five minutes late and soon they were seated at a corner table in the new seafood restaurant near the beach. They ordered a bottle of red wine and a few small plates, snacking on a loaf of fresh, crusty bread while they waited for their food.

Belle managed to only check her cell phone twice by the time the waiter arrived with their wine.

"He's going to be fine, Belle," Gold assured her. It was novel being the laid back parent for once. God knew he'd been a bit of a helicopter parent with his older son, Neal. But he thought Belle had worried about Gideon enough for the both of them over the course of his young life.

"I know," she said, taking a sip of her wine. "It's just the first time we've been away from him. Rationally, I know he'll probably sleep the entire time we're gone, but he's all I can think about."

"I know," he said. "And it'll get easier to leave him. But we can't spend all our time hovering over his crib. It's not good for you or him."

Belle sighed, taking her cellphone off the table next to her and putting it back into her purse with resolve.

"Alright," she said, folding her hands in front of her. "No more baby talk. I'm done for real."

They sat there in silence for a moment, Belle sipping her wine, her eyes casting around the restaurant for something to remark on.

"This is a nice place," she said finally.

"Yes, I believe the Daily Mirror gave it five stars that I'm positive had everything to do with the cuisine and nothing to do with the fact that it's owned by Sidney Glass's nephew."

Belle snorted into her wineglass. "Well it's not as though we have a lot of options for fine dining in Storybrooke."

"We could have gone out of town for the evening," Gold said. "We could get a hotel room, have some real quality time for just the two of us."

Belle smiled at him. "As enticing as that sounds, I don't think I'm ready to leave Gideon overnight just yet."

Gold nodded. "Maybe next weekend then."

Belle just shook her head at him, laughing.

Her lips were moist from the wine, her eyes bright with laughter. Her dark hair was curled about her shoulders, and the sapphire blue color of her dress set off her pale skin to perfection. Thanks to the deep V of her dress's neckline there was quite a lot of that perfect skin on display and Gold couldn't help but admire the way her post baby body filled out her bodice.

"What?" Belle asked, pulling on a lock of her hair self-consciously. "Is there something on my face?"

"I was just thinking how absolutely breathtaking you look tonight."

"Really?" Belle looked surprised. "So you think I look nice?"

"Nice would be a bit of an understatement," he said. "Ravishing comes to mind."

Belle blushed prettily, the pink tinge to her skin starting at her cheeks and spreading down her neck across her chest. He wanted to chase it with his tongue.

"But we haven't," Belle paused, biting her lip, "had fun in a while." She looked up at him from beneath her lashes, her seemingly innocent words loaded with meaning.

Gold took a sip of his wine, smirking around the glass.

"Yes," he agreed. "We haven't had fun since before Gideon was born."

"Is there…" Belle trailed off, shaking her head.

"What?"

"Is there a reason for that?" Belle asked, her words rushing out of her as if she was ashamed to say them.

"Of course," he said. "We couldn't have fun for six weeks and then after that Gideon wasn't sleeping and neither were we. I think exhaustion is a fairly reasonable excuse."

Belle nodded. "And since then? I mean Gideon has been sleeping pretty well the past few weeks."

Gold put down his wine glass, shrugging his shoulders. "I suppose we got out of the habit. Things are always bound to change after a child is born, Belle."

Belle's eyes cast down, staring hard at the napkin in her lap.

"So it's not because you're not attracted to me anymore?"

Her voice was small, thin and wavering. It wasn't like Belle to be self conscious or nervous. Had he done this?

It was true that they hadn't been intimate since the baby was born, but Belle's appearance had nothing to do with it. They were exhausted, there was an extra person in the house, one who still slept in their room most nights. It wasn't as though there was a lot of time, but perhaps he'd been wrong for not making time before now. Belle was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and he thanked his lucky stars every day that by some miraculous twist of fate she was his. How could he have ever made her feel less than exquisite?

"Are you insane?" he blurted out causing Belle to look up from her napkin at last. "You're gorgeous. Why would I not be attracted to you?"

"Because I've changed," she said. "My body has changed. I wobble in places I didn't before."

"I happen to think you wobble in all the right places," Gold said with a smirk. "And darling, of the two of us, you're always going to be the good looking one."

"I don't know about that," Belle said, inclining her head. "I happen to think my husband is extremely handsome."

"Well, no one ever accused you of good taste in men," Gold quipped.

Belle leveled him with a look.

"I'm serious."

"So am I," he said. "Sweetheart, I could take you to the restroom right now and show you just how attracted I still am to you."

Belle's lips parted in a little oh of surprise, her cheeks flushing. She eyed him for a moment. "Then do it," she said.

Gold looked at her, confused.

"Do what?"

"Take me to the restroom," she said, her voice low and taking on a sultry tone he hadn't heard in far too long.

Gold sputtered.

"What, now?"

Belle shrugged. "You just said you could take me to the restroom right now. What are you waiting for?"

He raised an eyebrow, glancing at the unsuspecting diners around them before answering her in a low voice.

"If you haven't realized, we're in a public place, darling."

Belle gave him a coy little smile. "That never stopped us when we were dating. Just because we're married with children now that doesn't mean we should lose all our sense of adventure."

Gold chuckled to himself, shaking his head, but Belle didn't appear to be joking. Her breathing had quickened, her lips parted, and eyes bright. She was deadly serious about fucking in the restaurant bathroom. It certainly wasn't how he'd envisioned this night going, but he couldn't say he objected.

"Fine," he said, taking one last gulp of his wine for courage. He folded his napkin, laying it on the table before standing.

"If you'll excuse me, Mrs. Gold," he said formally. "If I'm not back in thirty seconds, why don't you follow me?"

He gave a wink, sauntering off to the bathroom. Belle bit back a grin, watching him as he headed to the back of the restaurant.

He'd only just reached the restroom, reaching for the door handle, when Belle pushed up behind him.

"Eager are we?" he teased. Belle just grabbed him by the shoulders, directing him toward the women's restroom instead.

"The ladies is cleaner," she said, pushing him through the door. Once they were inside, Belle shut the door behind them, flipping the lock closed. Gold glanced around. He hadn't spent much time in women's restrooms but he couldn't deny Belle was right. The place was pristine. There were floral arrangements and a basket of mints on the counter. There was even a plush looking sofa set against the far wall.

"Why do you need a sofa in the bathroom?" he asked, momentarily distracted by the novelty.

"In case you want to sit and talk," Belle said as if bathroom conversation was the most natural thing in the world.

"Why on earth would you do that?"

"Nevermind the couch," she said before veritably pouncing on him. Gold gripped her by the hips, unprepared for the full frontal assault. He tipped backward, slamming into the sink counter, but Belle just tightened her arms around his neck, kissing him hard.

His tongue slipped in to her mouth, stroking against hers and Belle let out a sigh against his lips, her hands sliding up in to his hair.

"I missed you," she said, her words vibrating against his skin.

He reversed their positions, turning so Belle was braced against the bathroom counter instead. He lifted her up on to the counter, standing between her thighs, without breaking the kiss. His hands slid up over her thighs, pushing the bell skirt of her dress up so he could stroke her soft skin.

He groaned a little at the soft heat of her and Belle's hands twisted in his hair, pulling in a way that went straight to his groin. It was easy to forget that they were in the bathroom of a somewhat crowded restaurant on a Saturday evening when he was pressed up against Belle's lush little body, her soft, sweet lips pulling at his. But they didn't have time to linger, just enough for a quick fuck before the appetizers arrived. With that in mind, he slid his hand up further under her skirt, finding the gusset of her panties and stroking her through the thin fabric.

Belle gasped, her head falling back against the bathroom mirror as her hips bucked against his hand.

"Yes, Alasdair," she moaned. He was already hard, the erotic little sounds Belle was making driving him insane. Gold's mouth found her neck, kissing down her throat and latching on to her pulse point, feeling the beat of her heart against his tongue. He pulled her hips to the edge of the counter, grinding himself against her.

"Do you feel that?" he whispered roughly against her ear. "Still think I'm not attracted to you?"

"Show me," Belle pleaded, her hands dropping to pull at his belt.

Soon she had his pants open, her small hand lightly wrapped around his cock, giving just enough pressure to tease and not enough to offer relief. He slipped his hand under the waistband of her panties, paying her back in kind with light flicks of his fingers against her sensitive flesh. Belle moaned, tightening her grip and pumping him with her hand.

A sharp knock on the bathroom door interrupted their pleasure. Belle jumped and Gold gritted his teeth as her hand tightened uncomfortably around his shaft.

"Why is this door locked?" an accented voice demanded from the hall. "There are stalls in there. This shouldn't be locked."

Belle and Gold were frozen, staring at each other, Belle's dress up around her hips, his hand in her panties, and her hand still around his cock. It was a fairly ridiculous predicament.

"Hello?" the voice called again. "Is anyone in there?"

Belle bit her lip, a mischievous smile crossing her face before she gave Gold another little stroke.

"Fuck," he hissed at the unexpected jolt of pleasure that lanced through him.

"Excuse me?" the voice outside continued, outraged. "Is there a man in there?"

Her words were whispered as though the very idea was too sinful to say aloud.

"Um, just a moment!" Belle called, letting out a giggle at the scandalized look on Gold's face.

"Who is that?" the voice demanded, the door handle rattling as they tried to force the door open. "This is Zelena Mills, the mayor's sister. I demand you open at once!"

Belle just snorted out another laugh at Zelena's self-importance.

"Just a moment!" she called again, not trying to mask the laughter in her voice. Gold rolled his eyes. His wife was having far too much fun.

The bathroom door heaved as though someone had thrown themselves bodily against it and Belle's eyes widened.

"She's really angry," she whispered.

Gold's erection was flagging. They clearly weren't going to get away with this. So he stepped away from Belle, tucking himself back in to his pants and righting his clothing. Belle gave a little pout, but hopped off the counter and straightened her dress. It would be better to be fully clothed on the off chance Zelena was stronger than she looked and actually managed to break down the door.

"I'm getting the manager!" she exclaimed, her voice almost hysterical. The sound of heels stomping away heralded their window of escape.

"Come on," Belle giggled, grabbing Gold's hand. She opened the door a crack, peeking out at the hallway beyond.

"The coast is clear," she whispered as they stole out into the hallway and through the kitchen. Despite a few strange looks, no one asked why Mr. and Mrs. Gold were creeping around the kitchen and they were able to steal out the back door and into the alley behind the restaurant.

Belle doubled over with laughter as soon as they were home free.

"I can't believe we just dined and dashed!" she exclaimed.

"I'll deduct the cost from next month's rent," Gold said.

Belle wound her arms around Gold's neck, kissing him soundly. He gripped on to her hips, pulling her against him. He was still rather wound up from their encounter in the bathroom and it would take so very little to get him ready again.

"Where to now?" he asked, breaking the kiss. If they didn't go somewhere fast they'd end up screwing against a wall in the alley. It seemed a step down from the bathroom.

"I suppose we should just head home," she said dejectedly, pulling out of Gold's grip. "Some night out this turned out to be. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For suggesting…that. I mean we should just go home and use a bed like normal, adult people."

"Where's the fun in that?" he said, looping his arms around her waist and pulling her back in. "We have a babysitter for the first time ever, I say we take advantage."

Belle crossed her arms, raising a brow at him. "And where do you suggest we go?"

"The shop?"

Belle bit her full bottom lip, thinking over the proposition.

"It's more private than a public street," she conceded. "Let's go."

* * *

The back door of the pawnshop burst open, swinging on its hinges and bouncing against the wall with force as Gold and Belle toppled inside. Their mouths were fused together, Belle yanking at Gold's suit jacket until he finally shrugged it off his arms, flinging it across the room. It knocked in to something, a loud crash echoing through the back room of the shop, but they paid the disturbance no mind.

Belle kicked off her heels, suddenly four inches shorter than she had been the moment before and Gold had to stoop to kiss his tiny little wife, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her up on her tiptoes.

"Cot," she breathed, pushing him in the direction of the small twin sized bed pushed against the wall, a remnant of his bachelor days when he'd sleep in the shop on occasion. He hadn't used it for that purpose in years, not since Belle had moved in and he had a very good reason to go home every night. He'd never seen fit to get rid of it though and he thanked his own laziness for it now.

Belle pushed him down to sit on the cot, kneeling astride his lap so her breasts were right at eye level. He pulled her down to kiss her again, reaching behind her back to feel for the zipper to her dress. He pulled it down enough for Belle to pull her arms free and let her bodice pool around her waist.

He cupped her breasts through the lace of her bra, so much fuller than they had been prior to Gideon's birth. Belle arched her back, pressing herself into his hands as he stared at them in wonder. Without another thought, he buried his face in her cleavage, breathing in the sweet scent of her as he plucked at her nipples through her bra. Belle let out a moan, reaching behind herself to unhook her bra and shrug it off. She was bare to the waist now, her nipples dark against her pale skin and shrunken to tight little buds. He squeezed her breasts again, enjoying the firm feel of them against his palms, when a little white droplet formed at the tip of her right nipple, sliding down the underside of her breast and pooling in his hand.

"Well that's new," he marveled.

"What?" Belle asked, looking down at where her breast was now leaking a steady stream of milk.

"Oh my God!" she cried, covering her chest with her hands. "I'm sorry. It must be because I'm…excited. Or they're stimulated. I didn't know it would do that. I'm sorry!"

Gold shook his head with a chuckle. "It's fine. I don't mind."

"Oh," Belle said, her shoulders relaxing. "You don't think it's kind of gross?"

"Your body is a miracle. It gave us our son. Nothing about it could ever be gross."

To prove his point, he pulled Belle's hands away from her chest, leaning forward to trail his tongue over her nipple, lapping up the few droplets of milk still clinging to it.

"Oh, fuck!" she exclaimed, her head lolling back as her fingers twisted in his hair, scraping along his scalp and sending tingles down his spine.

He let his tongue trace the underside of her breast, up and over her nipple, circling the little bud before latching with his mouth. The taste was strange but sweet and he pulled away, looking up at the goddess straddling his thighs with a smile.

"Get in me," she panted, her eyes dark, lips plump from kisses and the color high in her cheeks.

Without another word, he stood up, lifting Belle with him. Her legs clamped around his waist as he turned, laying her back on the cot and hovering over her.

She stroked his face, her other hand twisting in the fabric of his silk shirt.

"I love you," she said.

"And I love you too," he said before kissing her once more.

Belle pulled on his tie, slipping the silk from his collar and dropping it beside the cot. Then she went to work on his buttons, her hands sliding into his shirt once she'd gotten them open and brushing over his skin, playing over his nipples and sending jolts of pleasure through his body. His hips bucked against hers and Belle scrabbled with his belt, getting it open and working on his button and fly when they were interrupted by the unwelcome sound of the front door scraping open, the tiny bell hanging above the door jingling merrily.

They both froze, neither breathing, in the hopes that the intruder would just go away.

"Hello?" came a voice from the front of the shop. Gold moved to get up but Belle held him fast, her legs still locked around him.

"No," she whined, gripping on to his biceps.

"Pop? You in here?" came Neal's unmistakable voice. "Your car was outside."

"Un-fucking-believable," Gold groaned, his head dropping against Belle's chest.

"It's me," Neal called again. "And Henry."

"Grandpa?" came the little voice of Gold's eight-year-old grandson and Belle's eyes widened in horror.

"Oh no!" she gasped, shoving Gold off her with such force that he fell off the cot, hitting the hard floor with a thud.

"Everything okay back there?" Neal's voice was close, just on the other side of the curtain that separated the back room from the sales floor of the shop. Belle squeaked, pulling the quilt on the bed up over herself. Gold leapt to his feet, tugging his shirt closed and wrapping his arms around himself to hold it that way just as the curtain parted and two identical pairs of brown eyes stared at him.

Gold tried to look natural and unbothered, despite the fact that his shirt was hanging open, as was his belt buckle. He was sure his hair was a mess from Belle's fingers and he hated to think if anything else was out of place. It was too late to look down and check.

Neal's brows drew together in confusion, comprehension dawning as he spied Belle peeking out from under the blanket on the cot.

"Oh…" he said, shoving Henry behind him and backing away. "Oh, God."

"Neal," Gold said by way of greeting. His son was still just looking at them with horror etched across his face.

"I interrupted something here, didn't I?" Neal said, looking from his father to his stepmother and back again. "Oh God! I'm sorry! I also don't need the mental images that are kind of invading my brain right now."

Neal slammed his eyes shut, spinning away and walking back to the front of the shop, one hand on Henry's shoulder, pushing him out in front of him.

"What happened?" Henry asked, craning his neck to look back at Gold. "What's wrong with Grandpa?"

Gold quickly buttoned up his shirt, shooting Belle an apologetic look as he followed his son and grandson.

"It's fine," he said. "Neal, what do you need?"

"A time machine," he said. "A memory potion. Some way to forget that my dad and his much younger wife are doing that in his place of business. Really, Pop? Come on!"

"Doing what?" Henry asked, becoming frustrated that the adults wouldn't answer his questions.

"What can I help you with, Neal?" Gold asked. "You obviously came here on a Saturday evening for a reason."

Neal looked up at his father miserably, his eyes glancing to where the curtain to the back had fallen closed.

"There's just some things you really don't need to know about your dad," he said with a shake of his head. "It's bad enough I'm twenty-eight years older than my little brother."

"Neal?" Gold said flatly. He was beginning to think his son was milking this thing far too much.

"Right," he said, clearing his throat. "Emma and I got called in to work. We were wondering if you could watch Henry for us, but I'll figure something else out."

"It's fine," Gold said, smiling down at his grandson. "We'd be happy to watch Henry. You go do your job."

"Thanks, Pop," Neal said. "One of Emma's old contacts back in Boston gave us a tip about a big deal going down on the docks tonight. Apparently they didn't think the local cops in small town Maine are anything to worry about. We've called in backup, but we've got to get over there."

Belle appeared in the doorway to the back of the shop, fully dressed once more.

"Hi, Henry," she said. "Neal."

"Belle," Neal said, not meeting her eyes. He cleared his throat in the awkward silence that followed. "Well, I'd better be off. If it gets too late we'll swing by to pick Henry up in the morning."

Neal hugged Henry, handing off his overnight bag to Belle before heading out the front door.

"Neal," Gold called after him. "Be careful, please."

"I always am, Pop."

* * *

They made their way back out to the Cadillac, getting Henry settled in the back seat. It was getting late and the little boy was clearly exhausted. They needed to get him home and bundled up in the guest bedroom before it got too far past his bedtime.

"Our big night out was one big bust," Gold said as he rounded the car to the driver's side door. But Belle shook her head.

"You said it yourself. We have a babysitter for the night. Why don't we drop Henry off with Alice and then go somewhere else?"

"Like where?" he asked, then lowered his voice. "I'm not trying another public restroom."

Belle giggled, climbing in to the passenger's seat. "I have an idea. Just trust me."

By the time they reached the house, Henry was sound asleep in the backseat and Gold lifted him up on his shoulder to carry him inside without waking him. Belle carried his overnight bag and they slipped in the front door, making as little noise as possible. After settling Henry in the downstairs guest bedroom, they made their way to the lounge to check on Alice and Gideon.

The lights were turned low, the television off, and at first Gold wondered if Alice had fallen asleep. Then he heard it, the sounds of lips smacking and low feminine moaning.

"Alice?" Belle called, oblivious to the realization Gold had just made.

There was a squeal and a flail of limbs over the back of the sofa before Alice popped up, pulling her shirt down to cover her midriff.

"Mr. and Mrs. G!" she stammered out. "I – I wasn't expecting you guys home so soon."

"Robin?" Belle said, craning her neck to see the other girl behind Alice. Gold was rather surprised to see the mayor's niece in his living room as well.

"Hi," Robin said sheepishly, waving from her place on the sofa. Her hair was disheveled, glasses askew.

"I'm so sorry," Alice continued. "I know you didn't say I could have company over, but Gideon has been a dream, no trouble at all, and…and Robin is home from college for the weekend and I never get to see her much these days so…so I thought…"

"It's fine, Alice," Belle cut across the younger girl's frenzied explanation. "We don't mind in the slightest. As long as you're not too distracted to take care of Gideon."

"Oh," Alice said, grabbing the baby monitor from the side table and holding it up for their inspection. "Nope. He's sleeping like an angel."

"We do have a favor to ask of you," Gold chimed in. "We've been asked to watch Henry, but weren't quite ready to end our evening so need someone to keep an eye on him as well. He's asleep in the guest room and shouldn't be any trouble. But I'll obviously double your pay for the inconvenience."

"Oh," Alice said, surprised. "Okay, great!" she nodded her head, all awkward, nervous energy.

"Thank you, Alice," Belle said, turning to leave.

"You two enjoy the rest of your evening," Gold said with a grin. "That sofa hasn't seen that much action in a while."

Alice's face paled, looking back at the sofa and then to the Gold's. "Maybe we'll just check out Netflix," she said, making a show of moving to sit in the armchair. If only she knew what that particular seat had seen.

"Alright, stop antagonizing the babysitter," Belle said, steering him out of the lounge. "Call us if you need anything," she called back to Alice and Robin.

* * *

Excitement was plain on Belle's face as she hopped in to the driver's seat of the Cadillac.

"Where are we going?" Gold begged. He wasn't one for surprises.

"You'll see," Belle said enigmatically.

They drove down Main Street, down toward the sea road. Gold could hear the waves crashing along the beach in the darkness and for a moment he wondered if Belle was headed to the docks. But she drove past the cannery and the marina up onto a wooded cliff side overlooking the beach, finally pulling to a stop.

"Where are we?" Gold asked, squinting in the darkness. There appeared to be a large shape looming ahead of them through a break in the trees, but there were no streetlights up this way. "Are we even still in Storybrooke anymore?"

Belle grinned, her eyes bright and mischievous in the dashboard light.

"It's a mansion," she said coyly. "I found it one morning when I was hiking up here. It appears to be abandoned."

Gold shook his head. How did he not know about this place? He owned most of the property in town and knew who owned the rest. But he'd never even known the massive seaside mansion was here.

"You want to break in to an abandoned house to have sex?"

"Yes," Belle said, her face completely serious. Gold couldn't contain his snort of laughter.

"Come on!" Belle said, switching the car off and practically bounding out of it and up the steps of the mansion. Gold followed a little apprehensively.

"This doesn't seem strange to you?" he asked as Belle pushed open the front door. It creaked on its hinges, the sound echoing in the eerie silence. Around them Gold could hear the sounds of the forest, an owl hooting, a cricket chirping, the ocean waves below them. "Why is this house sitting abandoned, and open?"

Belle shrugged. "Someone lost their money when the housing bubble burst and the resulting recession leaving an overpriced home they couldn't afford?"

Gold raised an eyebrow. "This feels like the start of a horror movie."

Belle rolled her eyes. "Come on, Alasdair, where's your sense of adventure?"

"I left it behind in the restaurant bathroom," he deadpanned.

Belle laughed, taking his hand and leading him inside the darkened foyer. Gold pulled out his phone, turning the flashlight on to see around the place. It was remarkably clean and well kept which just made him more nervous.

"Are you certain this place is abandoned?" he asked.

Belle nodded. "I've never seen anyone up here and when I checked the real estate records in town it didn't list an owner. I suppose it's technically the property of the city. But no one lives here which is all that matters for us right now. We have the whole place to ourselves!"

She led him through the foyer and into a large wood paneled sitting room. There was a huge fireplace on one end of the room with two richly upholstered striped divans set in front of it.

"What do you think?" Belle asked, turning around the room with arms spread wide. From what Gold could see with his flashlight phone it was lovely which only deepened his unease about the state of its abandonment. If it was owned by the city, they would pay for the upkeep but surely he'd have known about it. It would have been used for meetings or weddings or the annual Harvest Ball currently held at the Storybrooke City Hall multi purpose room which was in desperate need of a paint job.

"Oh!" Belle exclaimed, moving over to one of the large windows flanking the fireplace. "I wish it were daytime so you could check out the view from here. It's amazing!"

She pulled open the curtain, bright moonlight streaming in from the cloudless night outside. Gold flipped off the flashlight on his phone, letting his eyes adjust to the moonlight as Belle unlatched the window, letting in the night air. She looked beautiful, standing in the window, her face upturned and bathed in the gentle glow of the moon. He could still hear the waves crashing against the cliff side below. It truly was a wondrous spot.

He moved to open the other window, letting in even more light. It was the middle of summer, but the evening was still cool and Belle shivered, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Cold?" he asked, walking up behind Belle to rub his palms against her bare arms.

"Just a bit," she said, turning in his arms to face him. "But I know of a way you could warm me up."

Belle pressed herself against him, sliding her hands into his jacket and over his chest as she reached up to kiss him. It was the third time they'd tried this so far tonight and he hoped the third time was the charm. Belle would have an orgasm before they left this house tonight, he promised himself that much at least.

He kissed her back, his hands sliding down over her hips and around to cup her backside, pulling her pelvis firmly against his.

"Hey," Belle said, pulling back slightly. "Can we, uh, skip all this?"

"Skip what?" he asked, tucking one long lock of her hair behind her ear.

"I feel like we've had hours of foreplay at this point can we just…fuck?"

Gold threw his head back in a laugh. "Whatever my little wife desires," he growled, pulling her over to one of the divans. Belle sat down, hard, her breath hitching as Gold loomed over her. He dropped to his knees in front of her, sliding his hands up her inner thighs, pushing them apart. He reached her panties and tugged them down with one firm grasp, pulling them down the length of her legs and tossing them aside.

"Well, this is the farthest we've gotten all evening," he quipped, pushing Belle's skirt up so she was bared to him. She giggled as he leaned forward, planting a gentle kiss against the top of her thigh. He could smell her, see the wetness between her thighs. It had been far too long and he just wanted to taste her. He kissed her mons, his tongue darting out to dip between her folds and Belle jumped.

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

Gold looked up at her from between her thighs as though it should be obvious. He motioned to her spread out before him. "I was going to…"

"No!" Belle exclaimed, pulling at his shoulders with a laugh. "There's no time. Who knows what could interrupt us next. Just get inside me, please!"

Gold shook his head, crawling up on the divan and pushing her back so her head rested on the padded arm. He shrugged off his suit jacket, getting his pants unbuckled and Belle pulled her dress over her head, letting it fall to the ground beside them. He left her bra on her for now, no matter how he wanted to indulge in her breasts. She'd been embarrassed before and who knew if she'd start lactating again.

She was looking up at him, eyes dark and skin glowing in the moonlight streaming through the windows. She'd never been more beautiful and he couldn't wait another moment. He took himself in hand, stroking his cock through her folds and Belle shuddered, her head falling back against the arm of the divan. Neither of them had it in them for much teasing, so he didn't hold back, pushing in to her with a stuttered groan of pleasure.

"Oh, God!" he moaned, sinking deep into her hot, wet flesh.

"Oh that's good!" Belle groaned, her hands gripping on to his shoulders. "Finally."

Gold let out a breathy laugh.

"We did it!" Belle giggled. "Yay, us!"

"We're not done yet, sweetheart," Gold said, pulling his hips back and sinking back into her with a groan. If Belle could construct full sentences he clearly wasn't doing his job.

He pressed his forehead against hers, bracing one foot against the floor, his other knee against the divan. Belle drew her legs up to let him push even deeper. She felt like heaven, and the fact that he'd gone without for four months was catching up to him. There was no way he was going to last long, so he grit his teeth, trying to think of the least arousing thing he could summon to his mind.

Before he could even come up with anything, a loud noise cut through the haze of pleasure, a door slamming open and loud voices echoing through the otherwise empty house.

"Oh you've got to be kidding," he groaned, pulling off of Belle with an obscene, squelching sound.

"What?" she asked, sitting up with him.

There was more noise from the foyer, stomping footfalls and Belle squeaked.

"I'm naked!"

"So much for abandoned," Gold hissed.

Belle scrambled for her dress, pulling it on over her head as she looked around the room for somewhere to hide. Gold spied a closet near the entrance to the room and grabbed Belle, pulling her inside with him and shutting the door just as the light in the room flicked on. Gold supposed using his phone's flashlight had been unnecessary. Someone was clearly paying the electric bill on this place. He was probably about to be caught by that someone, breaking in to have sex like some teenager trying to escape the prying eyes of their parents. He'd never live this down if word got about town.

The door of the closet wasn't quite closed and he could just see through the gap. Two men had entered, one was pacing back and forth right in front of the closet door while the other moved out of view.

"What are we doing up here again?" the one out of view asked. Then he let out a hearty sneeze.

"Walter said the docks were crawling with cops," the man by the closet said. He was short and stocky with a thick, dark beard and a flat cap pulled low over his eyebrows. "We're supposed to wait up here for further instructions."

Gold turned as well as he could in the small coat closet to look at Belle. Her eyes were wide and he knew she'd come to the same conclusion he had. These were the men Neal and Emma were after.

"Did you leave the windows open last time we were here?" the bearded man asked, motioning toward the far wall. "Blue's gonna flip if you let it rain in her house."

"No," the other man said. "I wouldn't open a window. It's bad for my allergies."

The bearded man just grunted, resuming his pacing.

"I'm hungry," the man by the window said. "Can we go get some grub?"

"No!" the bearded man barked. "We're supposed to wait for Walter's call once they shake off the cops. Blue doesn't want anyone finding out about the stash. Just sit down and wait!"

Gold heard the shifting of fabric and creaking of furniture as the other man apparently took his friend's advice.

"Hey, is that ladies' underpants?" the other man said and Belle flinched. "Think they're Blue's?"

Gold grimaced. They'd left a few scattered pieces of clothing around the room. They were barely dressed as it was.

"She doesn't exactly strike me as the type to throw her britches around the living room," the bearded man answered. " Or wear a men's suit jacket. I think someone's been here, and they probably haven't left."

There was a scuffle outside the closet as the men began to search the room and Bell gripped on to Gold's arm tightly.

"Get us out of here!" she hissed.

"How?" he whispered. If he had his cell phone, he could try to text Neal their location, but it was in his suit jacket, currently in a crumpled heap next to the fireplace.

"I can't believe you got us stuck in here."

"Me? You're the one who suggested this place."

"Oh because everything is always my fault isn't it!"

"I didn't say that. Now you're twisting my words."

The closet door wrenched open.

"Well, who do we have here?"

They stepped out of the closet into the now brightly lit living room as Gold tugged his pants back up and fastened his belt once more. On closer inspection, their captor was even shorter than Gold had realized. Gold wasn't a tall man and he towered over him. A loud sneeze came from the other man and Gold noticed he was even shorter than his bearded comrade.

"We don't want any trouble," Gold said, holding his hands up in a nonthreatening manner. He had his eyes trained on the gun in the bearded man's hand, ready to throw himself in front of Belle at a moment's notice.

"Don't want any trouble?" the man said gruffly. "Then you shouldn't have come here. How do you know about this place?"

"I stumbled upon it," Belle offered, from behind Gold's shoulder. "It was a complete accident, I swear."

The bearded man looked around Gold, trying to get a better view of Belle, but Gold shifted in his way, shielding her bodily.

"Wait, Belle?" the man said, rubbing his free hand across his beard.

"Yes," Belle said warily.

"It's me!" the man said, gesturing to himself with the gun in his hand. "Leroy! I went to one of your adult literacy seminars a while back."

"Of course," Belle said with a smile, stepping around Gold. "Leroy, how are you?"

"Eh, can't complain," he said, bracing the hand that held the gun against his cocked hip. "You know, that course changed my life. Learning to read gave me the confidence to ask my girlfriend to marry me."

"Congratulations," Belle said warmly.

"Yeah, we're planning a fall wedding."

Gold felt as though he'd entered the twilight zone.

"Of course my wife is friendly with the hired thug currently holding us hostage," he intoned. "Now, excuse me, but are you going to kill us or not?"

Belle shot him a cutting look.

"What?" Leroy said, looking affronted. "Of course not. Why would you think that?"

Gold looked pointedly at his gun.

"Oh, yeah, this," he said, waving the gun around. "It's not loaded. I find the threat of violence is usually enough to get my point across."

"And what point might that be?" Gold asked.

"That trespassers aren't welcome," Leroy responded, his voice lowering to a sinister register. Then his face broke in to a smile, white teeth flashing from the depths of his dense beard. "Nah, I'm just messing with you. But what are you doing here, sister?"

Belle looked up at Gold, her cheeks tinged pink. "We were, um, looking for some alone time."

Leroy threw his head back in a loud guffaw, his cohort laughing along nervously beside him.

"Oh man," Leroy said, wiping his eyes. "Hear that Clark? Can you picture Blue's face if she knew her house had turned in to make out point?"

"What are we going to…ah choo! ... do with them?" Clark asked, pulling out a handkerchief to wipe his nose. "They might have heard something."

Leroy turned back to the Golds, looking penitent.

"He's right," he said. "I'm sorry, but I can't let you go until I know the coast is clear. It could be a while."

"Leroy," Belle said sadly. "You can't make an exception? I promise we won't say anything."

"Sorry, sister," Leroy said. "Thems the rules."

Belle placed a gentle hand on Leroy's forearm. "I know you're better than whatever you've been mixed up in here," she said understandingly. "Think of your fiancé, think of that fall wedding. You're a good man, Leroy, I can tell."

Gold watched in awe as his wife escorted Leroy to one of the divans, sitting next to him. A moment later, Leroy had burst in to tears, talking about his father's abandonment and his lack of options, how he'd turned to drink and a life of crime. After a solid ten minutes, he'd come to the conclusion that he wanted out and he was going to turn state's witness and Belle had done nothing more than listen and offer the occasional encouraging word. Gold wondered if he'd been as easy a nut to crack from this outside perspective.

He'd settled down in an arm chair, idly playing with the pieces of a large chess set on the table beside him while Belle and Leroy worked through his many issues, when the first welcome interruption of the night came.

"Everybody down!" a loud booming voice rang out from the entrance to the living room. Clark threw himself on the floor, Leroy and Belle jumping up from the divan to see the cause of the interruption.

"Neal?" Gold said as his son entered the room, gun raised. Behind him Emma had another pint-sized man with gray hair and glasses cuffed, holding him by the shirt collar. Did this Blue woman exclusively hire enforcers under 5'2?

"Pop?" Neal asked, lowering his gun. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?" Leroy demanded, pointing at the man in Emma's custody.

"Your friend Walter here sold you out," Emma said, forcing the bespectacled man forward into the room. "Sang like a canary all about the stash hidden in the basement."

"I think you'll find Leroy quite amenable to your questions," Belle said, patting her new friend's shoulder.

Neal was still looking around like the world had suddenly fallen off its axis. Clark had yet to get up off the floor.

"What is happening?" Neal demanded.

"We came up here for a little alone time," Gold said. "We were interrupted."

Neal shook his head, holstering his gun. "You guys just happened to stumble upon the secret hide out of one of New England's biggest drug runners?"

"It's not that secret," Belle said with a shrug. "There's a jogging path a quarter mile from here."

"What drug runner?" Gold asked.

"Edwina Blue," Emma supplied. "AKA Mother Superior, Code named 'The Blue Fairy', known for peddling her special party drug called pixie dust up and down the eastern seaboard. She's been based out of Storybrooke for the past few years using the Convent of the Sisters of St. Meissa as a cover. I've been tracking her since my days in Boston and she's been hiding out here all along."

Leroy stepped forward. "The code to the basement door is 481516," he said. "I think there should be enough evidence down there to put her away."

Emma nodded. "Thanks. Care to come down there with me?"

She set off with Leroy and Walter in tow and Neal pulled out his handcuffs, going to cuff Clark and escort him out to the police cruiser.

"I think Emma and I can take things from here," he said to Gold and Belle as they followed him out to the front drive. "Why don't you two go home? I think you've had enough excitement for one night and I don't want my little brother growing up an orphan because his parents tried to get lucky in the wrong place."

Belle rolled her eyes. "Ha ha," she said. "We were never in any danger. Leroy's a friend."

Neal looked at his father who just shrugged and Neal shook his head.

"Whatever the case, go home. This is an active crime scene now and if you stick around I'll be forced to take a statement."

"Thanks, Neal," Belle said, squeezing his arm.

They climbed back in to the Cadillac, getting ready to leave when before Belle darted back in to the mansion, realizing she'd almost left her underwear at a crime scene.

"That was a close call," she said when she hopped back into the passenger's seat.

"Which part?" Gold asked. "Our entire night has been one close call after another."

Belle sighed, sagging in her seat.

"It's well after midnight. I guess we should just go home."

"It might not to be too late to salvage some of our night," Gold said. "We never actually had dinner and I don't know about you, but I'm starving."

"There's only one place open at this time of night," Belle warned him. Gold grimaced, but gave a nod. Granny's it was.

* * *

The diner was empty when they arrived, Ruby Lucas leaning against the counter half asleep. She perked up when they entered, telling them to sit wherever they wanted. Soon they had a couple of cheeseburgers set in front of them and Gold thought it was a fairly decent end to an eventful night. Unfortunately, he hadn't kept his earlier promise.

He glanced around the diner. Ruby had retreated to the kitchen and they were the only ones in the dining room.

"Belle?" he said, his voice low. "We're finally alone."

Belle looked up from her fries, her eyes wide with surprise.

"We can't have sex in the middle of Granny's!"

Gold chuckled. "I wouldn't presume to suggest it. But I don't think anyone would miss us if we stole away to the bathroom for a moment."

Belle put her burger down, a sly smile crossing her face.

"Alasdair Gold, I think you've found your sense of adventure."

He didn't say another word, just grabbed her hand and pulled her from the booth, practically running to the bathroom.

Back in Granny's kitchen, Ruby Lucas thought she heard rhythmic thumping punctuated by frenzied shouting from somewhere nearby. But she just chalked it up to exhaustion and returned to her coffee.


End file.
